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Yea Happy Birthday

So It is my birthday today. I am alone today with the kids as usual. Feeling kind of bummed. Next thing I know thing 1 comes and hands me a "package" wrapped in random paper and duct tape. She says she made me a birthday present. I attempted to open it all 12 layers of duct tape and what did she give me????? A bag of microwave popcorn! She even made me a birthday card which was quite impressive since she hasn't started school yet. She had totally wrote out happy birthday dawn on it. So sweet!

At least I know the kids do love me.

Homemade Hairbows

I just ordered another batch of cutesy hairbows from my friend Becky. She does such an awesome job handmaking ribbon bows. Here are a few examples of her work:




Very cute and girly things! She can do custom orders with names or for teams. She also can match up colors for outfits (like gymboree has). Don't forget clips and handbands she makes those too! Please check her out! Her prices are low and she will ship anywhere!You can see more of her handywork and ribbon samples here:Briecca BowsMention my Blog with your order and get a special coloring suprise for your little girl!

Chaos

Sitting here thinking about what to write I look over and realize that my house is utter chaos at the moment. Thing 1 is rambling about something.... Not paying attention since I am busy typing this but chances are it has to do with something on the TV. Thing 2 is now holding his pretzels with his toes. Toys are everywhere. OK so it doesn't really sound like chaos but it feels like it is. HA HA. These two kids feel like there are really 10 here. Hurricane and Tornado are their other nick names and they sure do live up to it. Oh and forget about dinner. I just don't have it in me to cook. blah! What a day today has been.

Water works

So I have been trying to get myself a bit healthier. Drinking more water has been my numero uno thing to accomplish this week. It has been working thus far. I usually LOATHE water. It just has never appealed to me in the least bit. However, since starting to drink so much of it I get so thristy if I don't drink it. It is really strange. So that is that. Phase two of this ploy will be to REMEMBER to take my vitmans daily. We shall see how that goes! haha

Random thinking

This rings so true! I have been there and and got my t-shirt for it. I sometimes wonder if the the universe has a secert ageneda to destroy what little brown hair I have left....leaving it white! By the way it is working. Even dye is FAILING. hahaha That is okay though I guess I just need to start realizing my age afterall I do have a birthday coming up soon. A little too soon. I don't want to age anymore. I don't know many women who do. I doubt this blog makes much of any sense to you all out there, but I am just thinking in print. I hope you all don't mind?? *sigh* Now I am talking to myself in print! Wth?! haha

Yes I know.

I haven't blogged in quite some time. I feel as if the world is just whizzing around me and I am stuck in a wind tunnel. I do hope to find myself and get outta this weird funk soon. There is just a lot of issues going on right now. I do hope you all out there understand. Sometimes people just a hug and a friend. It is hard when you can't get either.

Are you listening?

I have noticed that my daughters hearing has rapidly been going down the drain. She has to have TV and the computer up so loud just to hear it. She is constantly asking for us to repeat ourselves. Worried about this I asked the doctor and she but in a referral for Audiology to check her out. Sounds easy enough. But here is where my question lies. How come she can't hear a damn thing that comes out of my mouth yet she can hear and ice cream truck 5 blocks away?! It just doesn't make sense! I have yet to make her appointment with the audiology clinic. I guess I should just to be certain. I do however think she has already mastered the art of selective hearing. She must get that from her dad.

Reasons why shelves are good.

So in my laundry room I have no shelving system above my washing machine and dryer. I have requested that I needed some to the husband but time is something of a constraint.
From not doing laundry all week I have loads upon loads backed up. And since it has been pouring all day and all last night I figured what better time to tackle it. I have done about 3 loads and even opened my new 96oz laundry detergent. Well upon switching out the loads i noticed something askew. My laundry bottle (ya the huge 96 oz one) was upside down and opened on the floor in the laundry room.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH
So I know I don't have laundry gnomes or folding fairies. So it had to done by someone else. Someone more imp like. Maybe thing 2 perhaps? I mean he was in the laundry room a few minutes before I shooed him out. He is so ever sneaky by placing the dirty clothes OVER the spill so it is hidden until i need to wash more things.
So yea that is why shelves are good. I need some. Pronto or the "gnomes" are going to loose their fingers. About 90 oz of super concentrated detergent is all over the carpet and I have no steam cleaner might I add.

Kids clean vs. Mom clean

So since my husband is away for most of the week I have been trying to get my 2 children (aka The Things) to try to help me do things like clean. It started out to be rather difficult to get them to even WANT to help me but they are bending ever so slightly. Well they really have no choice in the matter. HA HA. So one afternoon I gave my oldest the 5 year old Thing 1 as I call her a task to complete. I made sure it was something easy and something she could make fun. Her task you are wondering?? Well her task was to put the shoes up in the closet and straighten up the foyer area. Sounds simple enough right? Well I guess it was to her. She was so excited that she had done such a good job and completed the task with out me having to Yell,Demand,Beg,or even bribe. Here is the outcome of her completed task:

Nice huh? My daughter is a comedian! HA HA! Funny. But she was serious. Her reasoning for cleaning the area up like that? Oh it just looked better! Oh yea. Great. Not only is Thing 1 a comedian she is a Diva too. That's it I need a MAID!

Been a while!

Yes I know! I have been slacking on the blogging front. I just haven't felt up to it really. I have had lots of things TO blog about just no motivation to sit and actually recount and type things out. I do hope you all understand. I will get back on the band wagon. TODAY! I will I SWEAR. So check back in a little bit and take a gander OK?

In for a long week.

The Husband won't be coming home this weekend due to work. It will just be the Things and myself all week long. I do not know how I am going to keep my sainity. With things getting more expensive like Gas and Grocieries this might become a re-occuring situation. Just 1 more thing to add to the list-o-crap I have to deal with.
Who knows .... Thing 1 told me the other night that *I* needed to polish all the silver in the house maybe just maybe I will put her to work on that this weekend!!! I am not sure that will go over too well but I can try right?!

Perfect

What is socially acceptable for parents now a days?? I am a firm believer in the phrase "I am what I am".
I will be the first one to say I am not a perfect mother/wife/daughter . I do not see the point in pretending to be. Everything can not always be sunshine and rainbows as the saying goes. Wouldn't it take more time and energy to pretend that it is?

Then there is that 5% out there in the world who thinks they are PERFECT. They make sure that everyone else KNOWS they are too. What a waste. I would rather my children know I am human and make mistakes then try to push themselves to do the impossible. Setting themselves up for failure later in life when they finally realize NO ONE is perfect.

Time flies

I seriously feel like I have lost a year of my life from all the traveling the kids and I have done. To make me feel even worse this year so far has already FLOWN by for me too. Everyday the kids are getting bigger and learning new things and I am just here. Waiting. I don't know what I am waiting for. But I feel like "I" am on hold for something.
It is funny how life works. The good, the bad, the devastating it all will somehow work out for the greater good in the end. Well I think it will. I am probably a long ways away from being near the end. Ya know, since I am just waiting and all. I really don't even know why I am writing this down right now. Something is telling me too so I am. Maybe someone will read this and will realize that they aren't alone in the world. That there are people who feel the same way as they do.

In the mean time while I feel like the world is passing me by I will be here. Waiting.

Take care out there who ever you are!

I had to edit this blog to add this tidbit.
Upon reading my horoscope after posting this blog this is what I found it said.
"Let go of all of your worries today. Taking on an extra burden is not going to help anything get better. You don't know how things are going to turn out, so why would you choose to think the worst? You might feel like you're in limbo right now, not quite sure what step you should take next, but you should not see this time negatively. It's a great opportunity to think about the good things that could come soon. Visualize the best case scenario, and you will not be disappointed."
Coincidence? I am not sure. Interesting none the less.

Life in :30 or less.

I haven't posted in a few days. Things have been really busy around here.

Thing 1 is now registered into school this week. I Was a nervous wreck while they screened her. The teacher did say she did a very good job but I supspect they tell 95% of parents that. We also went to a mom's meetup easter party at the park. That was an intersting time. I never seem to fit into those things I really don't know why I punish myself and try. The moms were mostly older then me and very established and well to do and made sure they acted like it. Overhearing conversations about paying 10k on a kids kindergarten education. Yea, I am glad the things had fun though. That is all that matters.

In 15 minutes

What could possibly go wrong in 15 minutes??? Well please sit down and let me tell you!

15 minutes ago I checked in on Thing 1 and Thing 2. Everything was good as gold. Both laying in bed watching a movie. Since it is after 8pm already I thought it would be a good idea to check in on them ...ya know since it was quiet and all.

in the 15 minutes Thing 2 has managed to color green on the wall (happy belated st Patty's day my ass) and POOP on the floor.

Yes you read that right SHIT ON THE FLOOR. Why me? Why poop? It is a never ending cycle of pain here ladies and gentleman.

Boys vs. Girls

It has taken 2 full years to realize the complete differneces between Boys and Girls. Within the two years I have studied their habits and reactions. I mean not by choice....but I have none the less.
Core differences :

Girls- like to give their mommies pretty picturesvthat they have colored and flowers they have picked.

Boys- Like to give their mommies boogers and shreds of grass they have dug up.

Yup that is it. Just wanted to share that with everyone!

No more

Well I have done it.

I have been a "Mean Mommy" and taken away all the toys in the house. Why have toys if the Things will not clean them up. So to help with my sanity I bagged all of them up and they will not get them until the "Mean Mommy" says so.

So do you think it phased my two Things?????

HECK NO! They could care less!!! GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I thought I had the upper hand.


Things- 1
Mean Mommy- 0

Maybe next time....

Why Thing1 and Thing2

So why do I call my children Things 1 and Thing 2 ? Let me explain for you.


There they are! Thing 1 And Thing 2. The crazies that helped make the HUGE mess in the house in the Cat in the Hat book, by DR. SEUSS.

That is why I call them that. It is nothing derogatory at all. Just characters out of a children's book.

Dr. Appt craziness

So yesterday Thing 1 had a Dr appointment for her school physical. After dropping Thing2 off at the children's waiting center (which is the best invention EVER) We were off to trek across the hospital to the Pediatricians office. The visit itself was a piece of cake really. Playing 20 questions with the doc was almost painless....... UNTIL Thing1 heard her mention shots and getting blood drawn.

I knew the shots weren't going to be a good start since she had already threatened that if shots were involved she wasn't going to school. EVER. So off to the Lab we went. She peed in the cup and thought that was just the most silliest thing in the world. We drop the pee off in the window and then head to the blood draw room.

She knew what was coming. She cried a bit. I held her in my lap and the lady was quick and it was over so fast. For being such a big girl she got candy out of the deal! Next stop Immunizations.......

She begged the whole way up to the 2ND floor. Begged the whole time waiting in line for paperwork. (i knew this wasn't going to end good.) We get in the room and she hides from the Tech. It took him a while to get all the paperwork gathered. During this time she was trying to hide under the chairs from him. I even told her I would get a shot (flu shot) to show her it doesn't really hurt that bad.

My time for a shot came and went she was still trying to hide and beg and plead no shots no shots. Now it was time for her and she KNEW IT. She went from sweet pitiful little girl to a raving lunatic in 5 seconds flat.Do you know the phrase from a movie that is "I'm gonna come at you liek a spider monkey" ? Well that is what she did to me. It was crazy. She was screaming so loud another Tech came in to help. The tech made the comment "Girl you aren't even on the table yet!" (oh yea it was that fun) So after it took 3 of us to hold her and administer the shots she got them. All FOUR.

She is still milking it today. I know it hurts and all but I think she made it hurt worse from freaking out so bad.

Oh how i dread the teen years.

Another day

Add today to list of do not get out of bed days. Thing 1 has a Doctor appt. today to get her kindgarden Phsyical. Which will probably include getting a couple shots. Yea it has taken a lot of bribery to get her coaxed to go. I am sure once it comes that time it will take even more.

While doing her hair is cute pig tails this morning her little brother was harassing her as usual. I had to break out the "SANTA THREAT" already. Ya know the line "Santa is watching you all the time even in March." yea that one..... Her reply to me was "I don't want Santa to be real anymore mommy, He sees me to much."

WTH?!

How do you reply to that?! I just ignored it. I didn't want to tell her "OH sweety give it another 4 years and then he won't be."

Seriously, I think my children are in a league of their own. Where do they come up with this stuff???

The Great Grocery store Debacle 08

Why is it that just something so minor like grocery shopping turns into the biggest debacle ever?

We went out for breakfast and then decided that we would go to the liquor store (ya know once it opened) and then I would go and get some juice while he went to get the good stuff. Sounds simple enough, except for the fact of having Thing 1 and Thing 2 with me. We walked into the grocery store and they luckily enough they had the car carts. So I put the kids into the car part and notice it is a really tight squeeze for both things to fit in it. I think that it will be alright we are only getting a few things like soda and juice to mix with the liquor Joel was in buying.

Simple enough!

We begin to browse the store and I pick up a couple extra things like a roast and some chips. About 5 minutes into my carefree browsing session I was by a lady and she said oh my!!
GREAT! So I glance down and I see Thing 2 hitting his sister!! Like punching her in the head. I quickly reprimand him for doing that and go along my merry way. Not even 2 minutes later I hear a gentleman say something to the effect of wow someone is not happy. I happen to glance down agian and see Thing 2 hitting his sister AGIAN!! Ugh!!! Not good. So I take Thing 1 out of the car part and let her walk beside me. We left after that. Tooo crazy.

I know sibling rivilary is alive and well in this family but geez you would think I would be able to at least get some freaking groceries without them ripping each others heads off. When will this end?! I know, I know. Never. It is just the tip of the iceburg in this household. I just hope that when they hit their teen years they do not stoop to playing pranks on each other. That is all I need is a 16 year old prissy ass daughter with only 1 eyebrow because like 13 year old punk brother thought it would be funny to shave the other.

UGH
That is all! Carry on!

Life???

It has come to my attention that I am totally mediocre. I have been told nothing will ever come of mediocrity. That's fine and all, but I don't care about stuff all the same. Even in politics I am middle of the fence. Surely, that cant mean i will suck at life all the time???? right?????

What does one do about mediocrity? Counseling? Are you born with it? Is it my fault I cant find just 1 thing i want to do and am good at?

I am at the point now where I feel it is an issue with myself. I have always floated around. Never have had just 1 passion. Maybe it is just the way I was made. I don't know.

Maybe my problem is I just to to define myself by WHAT I believe and leave what others say at the door. It is so hard though. I am me. I have always been me. I have never tried to be something I am not.

Tonight I think I will dream upon the phrase mediocre. It might hold a different meaning for me as it does others. Who knows. Only time will tell.

Good night all,
your mediocre posting princess

In the mind of a 5 yr old.

There are times like this where I ACTUALLY enjoy my children. Even though I am woke up before the sun rises and their infinite messes the just love to make.
This morning was quite unlike any usual morning we have here. Thing 1 kept asking me if her daddy was coming today. My response was "Yes, of course as soon as he gets out of work." To my surprise she responded with a "LET CLEAN THE HOUSE FOR DADDY!"

(Seriously, what happened to my child. If Tom Cruise's aliens came last night and took her I really really thank them for what they left behind!!!!! )

I gave her a broom and she attempted to sweep the kitchen. (Some help is always better then none when it comes to a 5 yr old.) She then asked for the window cleaner so could "make the windows gorgeous!" for her daddy. OK that is fine. It kinda melts my heart she ASKED to help me! I mean I always thought I was the effing maid! WOW!

So 30 minutes later we call ourselves done cleaning for now. The windows are a little streaky and the floor isn't the best but HEY! I didn't do it and that is all that matters!

Randoms thoughts that cross my mind.

I will admit that I am totally random at times. Most times my attention span is the size of my husbands bladder (HI BABY!!). The things that cross my mind sometimes have me thinking what the hell. Then they follow me around until I can find a answer for them.
Let me give you a few examples:

If the eyes are the windows to the soul...then what is the butt hole? Exit to hell? Someone has to know this answer!!!

If chicken and alligator meat look the same what meat would we look like? Beef?? Pork??? SOMEONE PLEASE help me out!!

Those are just two random thoughts I ponder on occasion. I have actually asked my husband and my mother the second one...and they gave me a disgusted look and ignored me. Seriously, I want to know!!

Kindgergarden is in the works!!

So after making 3 calls I have all the Information I need to get thing 1 into KINDERGARDEN!!!

Is it so wrong to be excited to have her starting school?!!? God I hope the hell not. Well if it is I guess I FAIL that too.

So it looks like march the 19th I get her registered and She has her physical for school on march 11th. So it will be PERFECT timing!

Woes of homeownership

So after a full night of bad weather, tornado watches, lightening and heavy rain I awoke to the ceiling leaking in my daughters room AGAIN. This had happened once before about a year and a half ago. Contractors came out and Supposedly fixed it.

Whelp I guess they didn't do a very good job at it....or something. Who knows all I know is that the homeowners WILL NOT cover it. They wouldn't before because they said it was faulty workmanship.

Seriously, why doesn't this mess happen when no one was in the house for almost a year ?

They say things happen in groups of 3's so now i am on the lookout for number 3.

UPDATE: No more anticipation for incident #3 it had happened already. Somehow a RED shirt belonging to thing 2 ended up in the wash with the WHITES. Of course it didn't do any damage but to my husbands BRAND NEW quicksilver t-shirt. Oh joy. Thanks laundry gnomes....thanks a lot. assholes

Cartoon of the day

Living on the edge of insanity

So right when you feel you take that deep inhale and think "everything is going A-ok" KA-POW life hits you right in the kisser.

Yea that was me today. Beautiful day outside, the kids were playing having a grand ole time. Next thing I know is i hear Pheonix running to come inside the house and blood is pouring off her hand. Mean while she is screaming and crying that she has blood coming out of her skin. After about five minutes I am finally able to get the story out of little miss drama queen. She said she fell on the fence. Chances are she isn't telling me the whole truth but whatever, she will live and learn. 45 minutes pass by and I am still trying to get the bleeding to stop. NOT WORKING. UGH. So I make the executive decision to brave the E.R. We finally arrive and the triage nurse looks at her finger and says that she does need to be seen....OK GREAT.

So we begin the wait. 30 minutes pass by and I think to myself "Thank god both of the kids are acting alright....what a relief" WRONG. (you would think by now I would know better then to jinx myself when I am alone and have both thing 1 and thing 2) Trenton started climbing under the chairs and next thing you know Pheonix and I begin to smell a HORRID smell. Yup you guessed it ...it was his ass. He had running, watery diarrhea all over the place. FUN FUN. I haul both kids out to the truck in hopes I don't miss them calling Phe to the back. I search through the truck in search of clothes I NEEDED CLOTHES!! I had forgot to replace the outfit in his backpack so we had diapers and wipes and NO CLOTHES!! Just terrific. I came across a pair of jeans on the floorboard thank goodness. I don't even know how long they had been down there but they didn't smell so they were going on him no matter what. After that debacle we get back in the waiting room an maybe 10 minutes later we get called back.

We spent almost 2 hours in the cubicle of hell. I swear they need TVs in the Navy hospital e.r. rooms. I had to try to entertain them while blowing up gloves and threatening the little heathen to DO NOT BITE it. Hearing Thing 1 admantly tell me if she was to HAVE to get stitches that hurt she must have them be pink because that is the color she wants. Then not even 10 seconds later having to tell thing 1 to stop jumping on the bed, that she is suppose to be in pain not in gymnastics. What a pain in the rear end!! SERIOUSLY! I wouldn't wish that one my worst enemy....well if i have any that is. Finally, they decide what they are going to do with her finger. GLUE it ....OK great now get it done. Posthaste! The doctor leaves the room while I have a screaming toddler in the stroller saying "go momma go lets go". He says he will be back shortly with the discharge papers. "Shortly" better be within 5 mins there buddy. Nope we waited about 10 more minutes and NOTHING. Trenton was still wanting to leave so we left. Screw the discharge papers, my nerves were shot and *I* had enough. We left. Just left the room no one said a word. Although I know they were thinking thank god. He was yelling pretty loud, and once he getting going there is no stopping him until he wants to stop.

So there you have it. My kids are not only accident prone they are also bossy, shitters. Great. Can't wait for the teen years.